You’ve found out that your girlfriend is a fujoshi. Now, what? You’re probably asking yourself what does this actually mean? What can you expect?
While not all fujoshi are the same, this short guide gives you a few general tips to have in mind when dating a fujoshi.
#1 Time Is Relative
If your fujoshi girlfriend goes AWOL for a day or takes an extra hour to reply to your text, the odds are that the new chapter of her favorite manga that she’s been waiting for months has finally been updated, or the latest episode of that cute Thai drama she’s been binge-watching has been released.
There is arguably nothing more exciting for a fujoshi than to get access to fresh and juicy content of their favorite ships. But don’t worry, once she has seen every meme, re-watched her favorite scenes 100 times, and learned every line by heart, she will text you back.
#2 Never Mock or Ridicule Her
Many people find it strange that women enjoy reading about two men falling in love and passionately embracing each other. But some women in fact do. Regardless of whether you understand your girlfriend’s inner thoughts and reasons for indulging in yaoi, always respect her interests.
Yaoi can be a hobby or it can be a sort of therapy to escape the stressful events of reality. If you ridicule her interests, she might feel insecure, disrespected, and misunderstood.
#3 Make an Effort to Understand Her
If you show interest in your fujoshi girlfriend’s interests and spend time listening to her babble about her latest ship or read a couple of manga, it will show her that you are interested in her and that you are willing to experience the joy in her joy.
It’s not so much about sharing your girlfriend’s interests (you don’t have to start liking yaoi). But more about being willing to deepen your understanding of her as a fujoshi and find ways to connect with her via shared experiences.
#4 Yaoi Is Not Porn (well, not necessarily)
Yaoi can be pornographic but that is not always the case. Even when it is pornographic, if questioned, most fujoshi will tell you that it is not about sex but the thrilling emotional journey that led to that point. Arguably, yaoi’s biggest selling point is the use of romanticism to draw the readers into the narrative and create tension through climatic sex scenes.
#5 Respect Her Privacy
For some fujoshi, yaoi is a guilty pleasure. Not because there is anything inherently wrong with enjoying yaoi, but because of the taboo that still surrounds the genre. Yaoi is a diverse genre and although a lot of it is cute and non-explicit, some of its classic tropes make people uncomfortable. For instance, many people find the rape and incest tropes to be disturbing. Because of this, fujoshi who enjoy them may view their love for yaoi as a guilty pleasure and be reluctant or embarrassed to disclose this to others.
Unless you have her consent, give your fujoshi girlfriend the freedom to decide for herself who should be in her trust circle. Knowing that she trusts you enough to share her guilty pleasures with you, should make it easy for you to reciprocate that trust.
#6 Don’t Make Assumptions
When you find out your girlfriend is a fujoshi, you might be tempted to scroll through dozens of pages in hopes of finding exactly what that means. But don’t be quick to jump to conclusions. While you may come across a sea of information in this way, not all of it will be correct and a lot of it will consist of exaggerated clichés, stereotypes, and parodies created for the purpose of entertainment.
Fujoshi are way more ‘normal’ than commonly portrayed in fandom communities online. Fujoshi are simply women who enjoy yaoi/BL, and that is pretty much the only assumption you can bet on. Anything else depends on the fujoshi herself – her personal tastes, lifestyle, personality, etc. So, don’t make assumptions. Instead, be respectful and ask questions with an open mind.
#7 Tell Her How You Feel
It’s normal to take some alone time. After all, couples don’t need to do everything together and can have their separate hobbies. However, if you feel that your fujoshi girlfriend is too focused on fantasy and is having trouble stepping out of the yaoi/BL world to go on a date or do fun things in the real world, have a talk with her and let her know how you feel about it.
Fantasy can be a very comfortable and safe place to be, especially when our daily reality is a source of immense stress and worries. Your fujoshi girlfriend might just need a bit of help to realize that the real world can also be exciting. The secret is to find the right balance between fantasy and reality.
#8 Learn The Basic Lingo
Yaoi is not rocket science. But knowing what it stands for and its basic terms will make it considerably easier to connect with your fujoshi girlfriend and actually understand the nonsense she is talking about when ranting about her ultimate ships or the new manga she’s reading. So, it’s a good idea to get familiar with some of its lingo.
#9 Treat Her From Time to Time
Selecting the right gift to surprise your girlfriend can be a daunting task. But here’s the good thing, fujoshi are constantly thirsty for novel content. She will likely be on a perpetual lookout for newly released manga or series, or cool merch to add to her collection. And she will often realize that, for one reason or the other, she can’t just buy everything she wants.
Pay attention and take note of the things she fancies and surprise her from time to time. For instance, offer to pay for her monthly streaming subscription to Viki, iQIYI, or WeTv so she doesn’t have to watch her favorite BL series on illegal streaming sites with annoying ads and low-quality videos.
Can you picture a little kid on Christmas eve? That’s what I looked like when my partner gifted me the Ten Count manga collection for my birthday.
Treating your girlfriend with a present customized to her interests (rather than one of those cliché gifts – seriously, how many perfumes does one need?) will not only make her happy but will also communicate to her that you know her and love her for who she is.